28 May 2016 – Sonnet

No saint at all, I passed through endless pain
from childhood ’til the day I ceased to feel –
the numbness brought amnesia (no small gain).
I scoffed at each suggestion that I heal.
A deep and urgent ache of eager lust.
Two decades trek across a land of drought.
Pulled out of joint, racked taut between the Must
and Must Not left all sanity in doubt.
The legislative body of my soul
had insufficient numbers for a vote
to bar its seeking all its basest goals.
No lamb of innocence – I was a goat,
and every time I drank the dragon’s mead
my snare grew tighter, binding me to need.