04 Feb 2016 – SOPP

The heartbreaking anguish of SOPP.

Do you (or someone you ONCE knew) suffer from Sudden Onset Projectile Poetry? Do you find yourself responding to the evening news with bits of junior high school doggerel you were never able to purge? Does the moon peeking through mists put you in mind of lingerie and elicit singing songs unsuitable for childrens ears? Do political speeches send you scurrying to find every word in the English language that rhymes with “horseshit”?

If so, you may suffer from Sudden Onset Projectile Poetry. It’s reported that as many as 10-15 people in every major city of the world suffer from this malady, with numbers growing daily.

There is currently no known cure, although much attention has been given towards finding one. Alcohol merely seems to stimulate it. Governments have tried extended jail sentencing and extrajudicial murder to stop its spread – thus far to no avail. If you think you might suffer from SOPP, please stop your eyes and ears, and make an appointment with your doctor.