I am pleased to announce the invention of the Half-Asstina, a new variation of the old Sestina form, consisting of only the first 3 stanzas of a traditional Sestina and a 1.5 line envoi – with an obligatory reference to bacon. I invite my fellow poets to celebrate with me the joyous birth of this new poetic form!

27 Oct 2015 – Half-Asstina 1

Rigorous tests tell us eggs are quite good for us:
No they aren’t! Yes they are! No they aren’t! Yes they are!
My Food Guide Pyramid? Russian Roulette pistol?
Nothing exists that won’t kill you with half a chance.
Water and air aren’t as good as they usta be.
Say “Go take a number – your own turn is coming!”

“The Lab Coats Are Coming! The Lab Coats Are Coming!”
Go hide yourselves ‘cuz they’re bringing good news for us!
Yesterday’s diet just ain’t what it usta be!
A fine jug of wine and a large loaf of carbs are
death in the wilderness – Omar, you’ve got no chance –
Love’s ancient banquet’s been taken and pistol-whipped.

The guides of our health are now brandishing pistols!
If bacon will kill us – why keep death from coming?
George Burns reached one hundred so I’ll take my chances
genetics great Power-Ball lotto will save us.
Clenching my frying pan, tightly my fingers are!
So just bury us both and then please let us be!

Be silent, the pistols are coming to get us –
we may still have a chance….